The "dream' during the Nightmare, came Light

Hello and Thank You for visiting this blog.  I am the creator of a dream I had a few years ago, I am making this dream reality and you may follow me through this journey.  At the time I had the dream I was just released from Hospital from terrible accident . I had sustained multiple fractures in the Pelvic area, Hip and lower back.  I had little money saved and no insurance, no family support.. In the adult Industry you have friends but if you been in it as lifetime career as I have , you have few if no friends.  You trust no one because you been burned to many times.  I was Homeless, which was devastating with my injuries and living in my car with a large dog if I had no money for Hotel that night. Healing my body the right way impossible and painful sleeping in a small car.  I had to, there was no choice.  I got so desperate I went to food pantry to eat, my upscale persona I gave in public was shedding fast.  My pride I was stripped from.  I also realized all these years of making 'fast" money and the men I met that were really there for me during this time, I am thankful but charity ends.  I woke up to the fact I am over 50 and I have nothing.  I had long days and nights to think in my car or park as I lay on my blanket during the day. I went on internet , I need help, I started realizing my life has been a big lie and I was the liar. No prince charming was going to come sweep me up and no therapist could handle my buried pain and scars, no organizations would take women my age (I imagine they give up hope after certain age and the focus is mainly on "Trafficking" of minors that has swept the states.  Wish they had that when I was underage and lived that life.  I fell in the cracks.  I am survivor and decided I did not live this life to let it remain in the cracks, I have not lived a hard life to let it end in suicide or murder.  I woke up to a dream that was so wonderful, it was a large bit of land and tiny houses spread through the land. A barn with animals, vegetables growing, and women all pulling in talents they had and hard work to become a community of women learning to not only learn a skill but show their creative expressions in many ways profiting in way other then taking off their clothes for strangers.  I saw these women of older ages that lived the difficult lives as I have, the pain, the hell we keep buried inside. All starting many years ago when just innocent children, we were interupted and our innocence stolen from us.  Paving our beliefs system into who we are today.  We were at the age where children were not protected if we told, in fact we were told to be quiet by officials.  Thank God laws have changed but there are many like I that fell threw the cracks.  Life has been nothing but survival, false everything. When I woke up to all this I realized I had to help others like me.  I did not want to die the way my life has been, so much pain and every person it seems only love you for what you can provide.  Used and Abused entire life, I wanted a dream I always had, to be normal.  To work a normal job and proudly when asked where I worked be able to say without a lie.  I wanted my children to onetime see me as normal, that we could heal the generations of dysfunction.  I have lived and seen every darkness there is in life, I want to see the light.  And it came to me, the name of this place- AM LIGHT , no more of the pm darkness, and saying I AM LIGHT is the freedom.  This is my beginning as I will commit to everyday to bring this into reality.  If you walked a day in my life only then will you even begin to understand.  Now I am older and I see what could , should or would been instead..I focus on today and make yesterday the strength I have to move forward into the Light.  Promise of a better life, If I leave here I want just one day to live a normal life. I want to offer women in the adult industry that has had a life of abuse, pain and give them the opportunity we all gave up hope on...a life of peace and love.  Thank You  Karolyn Crawford